God and Politics
By Charles B. French
Christians should not
give politicians a pass because they claim to be one of us and invoke Jesus
every once in a while. It is not their words but their actions that should
matter. We must not be fooled by lip-service, by politicians who says all the
right words and seem to hold all the ‘correct’ positions. Do they just talk
about Jesus or do they actually live by His teachings? Those are not the same things.
Characters:
Politician – he wants
to do what’s Godly, but is easily seduced by the idea of pandering to
Christians in order to win elections.
Consultant – a fast-talking
demon in disguise
Advisor – another
fast-talking demon in disguise who works with the Consultant to steer the
Politician the wrong way
Politician: Yes,
I appreciate your support in this upcoming election. We have many important
issues and I will represent them. Have I ever lied to you? I’m a man of
character and you can trust me. Thanks you for your support.
The Politician hangs
up as the Consultant and Advisor barge in. They are also wearing
suits. Both of them are wearing large hats.
Consultant: There
you are. We have a lot to talk about.
Advisor: Your
clothes are all wrong. You need to look the part.
Consultant: We
need to fix that hair.
Advisor: A good
politician needs good hair. And good shoes.
Consultant: A
confident walk.
Advisor: A strong
handshake.
Consultant: A
powerful speaking voice.
Advisor: How are
you at kissing babies?
Politician: Who
are you two?
Advisor: We are
your new political operatives.
Consultant: We
operate politically.
Advisor: We are
here in an advising and consulting capacity to make sure that you win the
hearts and minds of the voting public.
Consultant: At
least fifty-one percent of them.
Advisor: We are
going to turn you into a candidate of choice.
Consultant: A
candidate parents name their children after.
Advisor: A
candidate who is a proud political powerhouse of American values.
Consultant: You
need us and we are here to help.
Politician: Are
you here to help me craft my message, to help me reach the people and assure
them that they can count on me? I want the people to know that I am a good,
honest politician who will make things better.
Consultant:
They’ll definitely think you’re a good honest politician who will make things
better.
Advisor:
Perception is better than reality.
Consultant: Fool
all of the people some of the time.
Advisor: Every
election year.
Consultant: Make
them think you’re looking out for them and make them forget about the times
that you aren’t.
Advisor: Which
will be a lot.
Consultant: But
don’t worry, the public won’t care.
Politician: Why
wouldn’t they care? The people want a good honest leader who will do what’s
right and make the world a better place for their children.
Advisor: Don’t
forget mom and apple pie.
Consultant: And
God and country. You can never go wrong by invoking God and country as often as
possible.
Advisor: In fact,
make sure you invoke God as often as possible. At least once per speech.
Consultant: You
need to be more than a politician. You are God’s chosen instrument.
Advisor: Anointed
by God.
Consultant:
Chosen by God.
Advisor: Favored
by God.
Consultant: God
wants you in office and anyone voting against you opposes the will of God.
Politician: I do
have religious convictions, but will the people really believe that God wants
me in office?
Consultant: All
you need is fifty one percent.
Advisor: They’ll
believe.
Consultant:
You’ll go to church.
Advisor: You’ll
tithe.
Consultant: Make
sure you do it publicly.
Advisor: You want
to be seen.
Consultant:
Otherwise it doesn’t count.
Advisor: Do you
own a Bible?
Politician: Yes,
I do consult the Holy Book for guidance.
Consultant: Carry
it with you wherever you go.
Advisor: Always
be seen leafing through it.
Consultant: Invoke
God’s name when you talk about your plans.
Advisor: Say your
plans are God’s plans.
Consultant: No
one will question you.
Advisor: Because
they’ll be questioning God.
Consultant: You
are working for the sake of Jesus.
Advisor: You
advance the cause of Christ.
Consultant: Jesus
is your Savior and guide.
Advisor: No one
would question Jesus.
Politician: I
happen to find Jesus’ teachings very helpful in my life.
Consultant: (puts a finger on the Politician's lips) Now
you don’t want to go that far.
Advisor: Stay
away from those teachings.
Consultant: They
only get in the way.
Advisor: You
don’t need to follow the teachings.
Consultant: Just
invoke the name of Jesus.
Advisor: Then you
can do what you want.
Consultant: Avoid
what Jesus taught.
Advisor: Way too
liberal.
Consultant: Jesus
wasn’t against taxes.
Advisor: He said
render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s.
Consultant: You
are against taxes.
Advisor: In
Jesus’ name.
Consultant: Just
ignore the teachings.
Advisor: Way too
liberal.
Consultant: You
don’t want to be a liberal.
Advisor: The
liberals are the enemy.
Consultant: You
fight the liberals.
Politician: And
who are the liberals?
Advisor: Whoever
opposes you.
Consultant: Whoever
wants the opposite of what you want.
Advisor: Whoever
thinks you are wrong.
Consultant: They
have no values.
Advisor: They
hate this country.
Consultant: They
are evil.
Advisor: If they
don’t agree with you one hundred and ten percent, they are a liberal.
Politician:
(confused) That’s not exactly an exact answer.
Consultant: Who
says you need exact answers?
Advisor: You need
perception.
Consultant: The
people must believe you are for them.
Advisor: Even if
you’re not.
Consultant: If
you look good to them they won’t care.
Politician: How
can I do that? Will invoking God and Jesus be enough?
Advisor: Almost,
but there is one sure-fire way to win the crowd.
Consultant: One
strategy that never fails.
Advisor: You must
be pro-life.
Consultant:
Anti-abortion.
Advisor: Declare
it loudly.
Consultant:
Declare it publicly.
Advisor: Make
sure people know you’re the pro-life candidate.
Consultant: To
vote against you is to support abortion.
Advisor: And they
wouldn’t want that.
Consultant: And
it’s not like you have to actively fight abortion.
Advisor: Just say
you will.
Consultant: Then
you can do what you want.
Politician: What
do you mean?
Advisor: Will
they care if you steal from the government?
Consultant: No,
you’re pro-life.
Advisor: You
eliminate all beneficial services that help them.
Consultant:
Doesn’t matter, you’re pro life.
Advisor: You let
the schools and hospitals crumble.
Consultant:
Pro-life.
Advisor: You
imprison the innocent and let the guilty run free.
Consultant:
Pro-life.
Advisor: You have
your enemies killed.
Consultant:
Pro-life.
Advisor: You have
an affair:
Consultant:
Pro-life.
Advisor: You had
a very checkered past full of corruption.
Consultant: The
past is irrelevant because now you’re pro-life.
Politician: So
all I have to do is pretend to be religious, invoke Jesus, and say I’m
pro-life?
Consultant: The
world will be your oyster.
Advisor: You
should also be for prayer in school.
Consultant:
Posting the Ten Commandments.
Advisor: Preserving
‘under God’ in the pledge of Allegiance.
Consultant: You
should stand for these things.
Advisor: And then
you can do what you want.
Consultant: Who
would stop you?
Advisor: No one
will care.
Consultant: They
will vote for you.
Advisor: Because
your opponent won’t be God’s chosen.
Consultant: So
what do you say?
Advisor: Can we
help you win?
Consultant: We’re
the winning team.
Advisor: Let us
help you.
Politician: Yes,
I think I will listen to you. Now, if you excuse me, I have a speech to give.
We’ll talk later.
The Politician walks
offstage.
Advisor: (shouting after him) Remember, pro life!
After the Politician
is gone, the Advisor and Consultant remove their hats, revealing the horns
underneath.
Advisor: Worked
like a charm.
Consultant: They
always fall for it.
Advisor: Like
fish in a barrel.
Consultant: I
love it when they never learn.
Advisor: Invoking
God without listening to God.
Consultant: I
know. It’s utter genius. I’m glad I thought if it.
Advisor: I
thought of it.
They begin to walk
offstage.
Consultant: I
thought of it.
Advisor: I
thought of it.
Consultant: I
thought of it.
They exit.
------------------------
To see what other scripts are available, go here
God and Politics Copyright © 2013 Charles B. French. All Rights Reserved.
You may perform this script for free as long as no admission is charged
for the performance. I would love to hear about how it went, so drop me a
line – you can find the address here.
Permission is required for performances in which admission is charged,
to record a performance of this script, or post any audio or video this
script online.
