God and Politics
By Charles B. French
Christians should not give politicians a pass because they claim to be one of us and invoke Jesus every once in a while. It is not their words but their actions that should matter. We must not be fooled by lip-service, by politicians who says all the right words and seem to hold all the ‘correct’ positions. Do they just talk about Jesus or do they actually live by His teachings? Those are not the same things.
Politician – he wants to do what’s Godly, but is easily seduced by the idea of pandering to Christians in order to win elections.
Consultant – a fast-talking demon in disguise
Advisor – another fast-talking demon in disguise who works with the Consultant to steer the Politician the wrong way
Politician: Yes, I appreciate your support in this upcoming election. We have many important issues and I will represent them. Have I ever lied to you? I’m a man of character and you can trust me. Thanks you for your support.
The Politician hangs up as the Consultant and Advisor barge in. They are also wearing suits. Both of them are wearing large hats.
Consultant: There you are. We have a lot to talk about.
Advisor: Your clothes are all wrong. You need to look the part.
Consultant: We need to fix that hair.
Advisor: A good politician needs good hair. And good shoes.
Consultant: A confident walk.
Advisor: A strong handshake.
Consultant: A powerful speaking voice.
Advisor: How are you at kissing babies?
Politician: Who are you two?
Advisor: We are your new political operatives.
Consultant: We operate politically.
Advisor: We are here in an advising and consulting capacity to make sure that you win the hearts and minds of the voting public.
Consultant: At least fifty-one percent of them.
Advisor: We are going to turn you into a candidate of choice.
Consultant: A candidate parents name their children after.
Advisor: A candidate who is a proud political powerhouse of American values.
Consultant: You need us and we are here to help.
Politician: Are you here to help me craft my message, to help me reach the people and assure them that they can count on me? I want the people to know that I am a good, honest politician who will make things better.
Consultant: They’ll definitely think you’re a good honest politician who will make things better.
Advisor: Perception is better than reality.
Consultant: Fool all of the people some of the time.
Advisor: Every election year.
Consultant: Make them think you’re looking out for them and make them forget about the times that you aren’t.
Advisor: Which will be a lot.
Consultant: But don’t worry, the public won’t care.
Politician: Why wouldn’t they care? The people want a good honest leader who will do what’s right and make the world a better place for their children.
Advisor: Don’t forget mom and apple pie.
Consultant: And God and country. You can never go wrong by invoking God and country as often as possible.
Advisor: In fact, make sure you invoke God as often as possible. At least once per speech.
Consultant: You need to be more than a politician. You are God’s chosen instrument.
Advisor: Anointed by God.
Consultant: Chosen by God.
Advisor: Favored by God.
Consultant: God wants you in office and anyone voting against you opposes the will of God.
Politician: I do have religious convictions, but will the people really believe that God wants me in office?
Consultant: All you need is fifty one percent.
Advisor: They’ll believe.
Consultant: You’ll go to church.
Advisor: You’ll tithe.
Consultant: Make sure you do it publicly.
Advisor: You want to be seen.
Consultant: Otherwise it doesn’t count.
Advisor: Do you own a Bible?
Politician: Yes, I do consult the Holy Book for guidance.
Consultant: Carry it with you wherever you go.
Advisor: Always be seen leafing through it.
Consultant: Invoke God’s name when you talk about your plans.
Advisor: Say your plans are God’s plans.
Consultant: No one will question you.
Advisor: Because they’ll be questioning God.
Consultant: You are working for the sake of Jesus.
Advisor: You advance the cause of Christ.
Consultant: Jesus is your Savior and guide.
Advisor: No one would question Jesus.
Politician: I happen to find Jesus’ teachings very helpful in my life.
Consultant: (puts a finger on the Politician's lips) Now you don’t want to go that far.
Advisor: Stay away from those teachings.
Consultant: They only get in the way.
Advisor: You don’t need to follow the teachings.
Consultant: Just invoke the name of Jesus.
Advisor: Then you can do what you want.
Consultant: Avoid what Jesus taught.
Advisor: Way too liberal.
Consultant: Jesus wasn’t against taxes.
Advisor: He said render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s.
Consultant: You are against taxes.
Advisor: In Jesus’ name.
Consultant: Just ignore the teachings.
Advisor: Way too liberal.
Consultant: You don’t want to be a liberal.
Advisor: The liberals are the enemy.
Consultant: You fight the liberals.
Politician: And who are the liberals?
Advisor: Whoever opposes you.
Consultant: Whoever wants the opposite of what you want.
Advisor: Whoever thinks you are wrong.
Consultant: They have no values.
Advisor: They hate this country.
Consultant: They are evil.
Advisor: If they don’t agree with you one hundred and ten percent, they are a liberal.
Politician: (confused) That’s not exactly an exact answer.
Consultant: Who says you need exact answers?
Advisor: You need perception.
Consultant: The people must believe you are for them.
Advisor: Even if you’re not.
Consultant: If you look good to them they won’t care.
Politician: How can I do that? Will invoking God and Jesus be enough?
Advisor: Almost, but there is one sure-fire way to win the crowd.
Consultant: One strategy that never fails.
Advisor: You must be pro-life.
Advisor: Declare it loudly.
Consultant: Declare it publicly.
Advisor: Make sure people know you’re the pro-life candidate.
Consultant: To vote against you is to support abortion.
Advisor: And they wouldn’t want that.
Consultant: And it’s not like you have to actively fight abortion.
Advisor: Just say you will.
Consultant: Then you can do what you want.
Politician: What do you mean?
Advisor: Will they care if you steal from the government?
Consultant: No, you’re pro-life.
Advisor: You eliminate all beneficial services that help them.
Consultant: Doesn’t matter, you’re pro life.
Advisor: You let the schools and hospitals crumble.
Advisor: You imprison the innocent and let the guilty run free.
Advisor: You have your enemies killed.
Advisor: You have an affair:
Advisor: You had a very checkered past full of corruption.
Consultant: The past is irrelevant because now you’re pro-life.
Politician: So all I have to do is pretend to be religious, invoke Jesus, and say I’m pro-life?
Consultant: The world will be your oyster.
Advisor: You should also be for prayer in school.
Consultant: Posting the Ten Commandments.
Advisor: Preserving ‘under God’ in the pledge of Allegiance.
Consultant: You should stand for these things.
Advisor: And then you can do what you want.
Consultant: Who would stop you?
Advisor: No one will care.
Consultant: They will vote for you.
Advisor: Because your opponent won’t be God’s chosen.
Consultant: So what do you say?
Advisor: Can we help you win?
Consultant: We’re the winning team.
Advisor: Let us help you.
Politician: Yes, I think I will listen to you. Now, if you excuse me, I have a speech to give. We’ll talk later.
The Politician walks offstage.
Advisor: (shouting after him) Remember, pro life!
After the Politician is gone, the Advisor and Consultant remove their hats, revealing the horns underneath.
Advisor: Worked like a charm.
Consultant: They always fall for it.
Advisor: Like fish in a barrel.
Consultant: I love it when they never learn.
Advisor: Invoking God without listening to God.
Consultant: I know. It’s utter genius. I’m glad I thought if it.
Advisor: I thought of it.
They begin to walk offstage.
Consultant: I thought of it.
Advisor: I thought of it.
Consultant: I thought of it.
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God and Politics Copyright © 2013 Charles B. French. All Rights Reserved.
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