Second Coming Show

The Second Coming Show
By Charles B. French

There’s a big difference between expecting the Second Coming and doing little more than sitting around and waiting for it. Not only does it make us look silly when it doesn’t happen, we squander the time God has given us. We are meant to do so much more than wait out the clock, and this script explores what happens with the people who do.

Characters: The show is anchored by cohosts Daniel and Mary. A reporter, Peter is out in the field.
Set notes: The set should somewhat resemble a morning show. Daniel and Mary should sit in chairs stage center while Peter stands off to one side. Some kind of morning show type music should be played at the beginning and end.
The two hosts are talking quietly to each other as the music plays and then turn to face the audience as the music fades off.

Daniel: Hello. I’m Daniel Johnson.

Mary: And I’m Mary Matthews. Welcome to The Second Coming Show, where we await the return of Jesus Christ, who promised one day that He would return.

Daniel: We have correspondents all over the globe, ready to report any happenings in a moment’s notice.

Mary: That’s right. When Christ returns, you, the viewer will be the first to know with our up-to-the-minute coverage of this blessed event.

Daniel: Let’s go to Peter Simonson, our correspondent in Washington DC for an update on the current situation. Peter. 

Peter is standing off to the side of the stage. He is holding a microphone.

Peter: Thank you Daniel. As you can see here behind me, Christ has not returned yet. That’s not to say that He won’t any second now. And when He does, we’ll be ready to report that event to you. Just as soon as it happens. Which could be any time now. That’s right. He could be coming back right now.

Daniel: Peter, what is the current situation there? What are you feeling? Are emotions running high? Tell us, in your own words.

Peter: Well let me tell you that there have been some really exciting developments over here.

Daniel: Really?

Peter: Yes. Unfortunately, none of them have anything to do with the Second Coming.

Daniel: Are you sure? You haven’t missed something.

Peter: No, I’m pretty sure.

Daniel: So, nothing.

Peter: Right.

Daniel: At all?

Peter: That’s right.

Daniel: And you’ve checked?

Peter: Yes.

There is a long, awkward pause.

Daniel: All right, then. Thank you Peter. Be sure to keep us up to date on this.

Peter: Will do.

Daniel: Mary, you have some insight into what is sure to be the story of the Millennium.

Mary: You are speaking, of course, on Christ’s return.

Daniel: Aren’t I always?

Mary: That you are. Well, Daniel. You and the viewers may be aware that the Second Coming has not occurred yet. We have been waiting and waiting, and there is still no sign of His imminent return.

Daniel: And what do you have for us on this subject.

Mary: Just to say that every second is just one second closer to the Second Coming. Why, it could even happen right now.

Daniel: You’re not serious, are you?

Mary: Oh, I’m very serious. It could happen. Even in the middle of this conversation. That’s right. Right now.

There is another long, awkward pause.

Daniel: It doesn’t seem to be happening now, does it?

Mary: Doesn’t look like it.

Daniel: Of course, it could happen right now.

Mary: (pause) Or now. (pause) Now. (pause) Now.

Daniel: Why don’t we go back to Peter for an update? Peter?

Peter: Nothing is happening here, Daniel. Absolutely nothing.

Daniel: Are you sure?

Peter: Quite sure. We have nothing new to report. Zero. Zip. Nada. Zilch...

Daniel: (interrupting) I believe I get the point.

Peter: I’ll keep you posted.

Daniel: That’s our correspondent Peter Simonson. (long pause) So, Mary…

Mary: Yes.

Daniel: Anything else to tell us?

Mary: (thinks for a bit) No, I’m fresh out.

Daniel: You sure?

Mary: Positive.

Daniel: Because we’ve still got a lot of time left to fill.

Mary: I know. I was expecting to have something to report on and talk about.

Daniel: Such as the Second Coming?

Mary: Exactly.

Daniel: Doesn’t seem to be happening right now, does it?

Mary: No.

Daniel: We probably should have planned some more programming just in case.

Mary: Probably.

Daniel: Because, it would have really come in handy right about now.

Mary: Any ideas?

There is a long pause as they think.

Daniel: We could tell the folks at home about our new sponsors.

Mary: Oh, yes. (He pulls out a flyer from a sponsor.) Dangerous Dan’s Discount Furniture is having a Second Coming sale. No money down and no payments ever, because by the time you get that couch, barcalounger, or futon home, you’re sure to be raptured out of it.

Daniel: So be sure to hurry down there and get yours today. (reads from another flyer) Delicious Dave’s Pizza is offering an all you can eat before Christ Returns lunch buffet. Since it’ll probably be your last meal, come on down to Delicious Dave’s for a pizza buffet.

Mary: (reading from another flyer) Lucky Luke’s Auto Dealership is offering a brand new Cadillac for the low, low price of three dollars. It’s his “Get raptured while driving a really nice car off the lot for three dollars special.” It’s been going on for a month and it’s been really popular.

Daniel: Yes, but I have some sad news. I just got a notice telling me that Lucky Luke’s is going out of business.

Mary: That’s a shame. I wonder why that is?
Daniel: I have no idea. I never studied economics. (pause) Well, that should have eaten up a significant portion of time.

Mary: That’s true. We’re now even that much closer to the Second Coming.

Daniel: So any minute now it could happen. Let’s go back to our reporter in the field, Peter Simonson. Peter, any new developments?

Peter: (really cranky and upset) What do you think? No, there are no new updates. All I’m doing is standing around here waiting for the Second Coming. That’s it. I could be reporting on any other event, but no, I’m stuck with this. Do you have any idea what I’ve seen happen? I saw a high-speed police chase, a thirteen car pile-up, two attempts on the President’s life, and a dog that can bark “I love you.” But do I get to report any of that? No. I don’t. I could have been a real reporter. I could have been on CNN.  

Peter throws down his microphone and walks offstage in a huff.

Daniel: Thank you Peter. I guess we have an opening for a new in-the-field reporter.

Mary: When do you suppose we’ll have auditions?

Daniel: Normally we’d set something up in a couple of days, but I’m pretty sure that we don’t have that long. (pause) That’s right. (pause) Any time now. (pause)

Mary: Well it appears that’s we’ve run out of time this week. Be sure to join us next week as we await the Second Coming of our Lord.

Daniel: So until then, though we probably don’t have that long, be here or be raptured. Good night.

The music is cued back up and they chat with each other.

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Second Coming Show Copyright © 2012 Charles B. French. All Rights Reserved.

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