Wisdom and Impulse: A Coffee Conundrum

Wisdom and Impulse: A Coffee Conundrum
By Charles B. French
Based on an idea from The Well

We are often pulled in opposite directions. Our wisdom pulls us one way while our impulses another. Sometimes even the wisest of us can fall prey to these impulses. These four quick and humorous vignettes explore this conflict.
Reference Verse: Proverbs 3:21

Wisdom – Very calm and wise, has a soft spot for Impulse.
Impulse – Always acting on emotion and what feels right, never stopping to think about what could go wrong

This is loosely based on the old Mac and PC commercials.

Scene I – “Regular”

Wisdom: Hi, I'm Wisdom.

Impulse: And I'm Impulse, and I don’t mean the superhero by that name. Just so you know. Not a superhero.

Wisdom: Thanks for the clarification. Hey, you want some coffee? I've got both regular and decaf.

Impulse: Clearly the choice is decaf. It's obvious, really.

Wisdom: I don't follow.

Impulse: Regular comes from the Latin, Reg, referring to the Roman general Regulus who was afraid of chickens.

Wisdom: I don't see your...

Impulse: (interrupts) It's simple. If I drink regular, then I fear chickens.

Wisdom: Wow, that's quite a leap.

Impulse: Do I look like I'm afraid of chickens.

Wisdom: No, you don't.

Impulse: There you go.


Scene II – “Mambo”

Wisdom: Hi, I'm Wisdom.

Impulse: And I love being Impulse.

Wisdom: Would you love some coffee?

Impulse: I don't know if I'm in the mood.

Wisdom: I've got regular and decaf.

Impulse: What if I choose the wrong one? Now I'm depressed.

Wisdom: It's just coffee. There's nothing to be upset about.

Impulse: That's easy for you to say. You're dead inside.

Wisdom: I'm what?

Impulse: Your heart doesn't speak to you. Mine does.

Wisdom: Well what does your heart say?

Impulse: It wants me to Mambo. (He starts to do a weird little dance, slowly turning in place.)

Wisdom: What about the coffee?

Impulse: (His back to the audience.) Sorry, I'm too busy Mambo-ing. (He shakes his booty.)

Wisdom: I don't think that's the Mambo.


Scene III – “Liability”

Wisdom: Hi, I'm Wisdom

Impulse: And I'm Impulse. Of course. Thank you, thank you.

Wisdom: Who are you thanking?

Impulse: The little people. They listen to me.

Wisdom: What are you telling them?

Impulse: Always drink decaf. It's what I drink. It's what you drink.

Wisdom: No one has regular coffee?

Impulse: Why would they? If I don't think they need it, they don't need it.

Wisdom: Even truck drivers?

Impulse: Especially them.

Wisdom: You don't think those big rig drivers might need to stay awake?

Impulse: I don't see why...uh, oh.

Wisdom: Yeah, it might be a problem.

Impulse: I'm not liable, am I?

Wisdom: You might be.

Impulse: I was never here. (He slips away)


Scene IV – “Economics”

Wisdom: Hi, I'm Wisdom.

Impulse: And not only am I Impulse, I’m also an entrepreneur.

Wisdom: I didn't know you started your own business!

Impulse: This coffee fad is here to stay, so I'm getting in the game with my own brand.

Wisdom: That's great. I'm proud of you, forging your own path in the business world.

Impulse pulls out a small bean-sprout plant.

Impulse: Check this out!

Wisdom: What's that?

Impulse: This is my bean plant. Did you know coffee comes from beans?

Wisdom: Yeah, coffee beans. But that's not a coffee plant.

Impulse: What kind of plant is it?

Wisdom: Lima bean.

Impulse: So it won't grow coffee?

Wisdom: Afraid not.

Impulse: Ooh. This could be a problem.

Wisdom: How many of those did you buy?

Impulse: Ten thousand.

Wisdom: Ouch.

Impulse: On credit.

Wisdom: Double ouch.

Impulse: Do you want to buy some lima beans?

Wisdom: Sorry, no.

Impulse: Are loan sharks as bad as everyone says?


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Wisdom and Impulse: A Coffee Conundrum Copyright © 2013 Charles B. French. All Rights Reserved.

You may perform this script for free as long as no admission is charged for the performance. I would love to hear about how it went, so drop me a line – you can find the address here.
Permission is required for performances in which admission is charged, to record a performance of this script, or post any audio or video this script online.